Cecilio's aunt posts a lot of inspirational quotes on Facebook and I happen to come across this one and so I saved it on my phone. How often do we sit and wait for everything to have going for us in order to live the life we want?
I'm struggling with this right now. I'm paralyzed with grief about school and health. I worry that things may never get better. I'm paralyzed by my work because I feel like it's never good enough so I kinda have been evading my work. I don't know if I'm depressed or lazy.
I'm just being honest and I am sorry if I drag anyone down with my posts. I made this blog because I rediscovered my love for makeup after my face blowing up from prednisone so I used makeup as an avenue to feel somewhat pretty and contour my face. I also created this blog to kinda escape my reality and to connect with others who are going through what I am, not exactly chronic illness itself but the loneliness that comes with it and the grief of losing the life you once lived before it started to go out of hand. I don't want others to feel alone because I do feel alone a lot of times. I'm so thankful that my family has been so supportive, and that Cecilio has been my rock throughout everything even when I haven't reacted in the best ways. I'm so thankful that my dogs came this year to help stave off my loneliness. I thank God for everything in my life and all the blessings He has bestowed on me. Even if I lost many things I still have more than enough.
So why do I feel paralyzed? I read a quote on tumblr (I'm gonna paraphrase it) that goes "it's impossible to believe in the idea that things will get better when you are going through it right now. But hold on to the hope anyway". Life goes on and as much as I would rather curl up in bed and not face the world (which I tend to do) I still keep plugging along.
I hope for a better future. It's just hard to see when you're going though whatever trials you are going through right now. I believe that other people can but I can't. But then I have to remember all the times I've had a seizure, have been hospitalized for getting really sick, have gotten rejected from the graphic design program, have had my heart broken or had old friends abandon me. I was able to survive those things as earth shattering as it felt at the time. So I hope I can survive this.
Please comment or connect if you can relate, it doesn't have to be chronic illness! But whatever you are going through, you're not alone!
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